Other's Problems

By Albina Bardhi on May 8, 2024

How come it seems so easy to find solutions to our friend's problems?

We naturally feel this urge to jump and fix their problems. A desire to offer a hand, to help and make things better. I've found myself tangled in this web of good intentions more times than I can count, only to realize that sometimes, what I do to help can bring unintended consequences.

One of the worst things that happened to me was the tendency to become overly invested in outcomes that were beyond my control. I found myself dedicating significant time and energy to a situation that ultimately had little or unsignificant impact on my own life. It's not that I don't care or lack empathy. Not at all. It's actually the contrary. My heart hurts everytime I see someone struggling, and my mind immediately tries to find solutions. But, over time, I've come to realize that my good intentions will not always lead to resolutions.

I've taken on other people's issues like they were my own, and it wasn't nice at all. It left me feeling stressed, overwhelmed and I felt like I wasn't being true to myself. It's tough when you care so much about someone, and you end up hurting yourself in the process.

I learned something important through all of this; There is no point on wasting my energy in other people's problems. I can't be the hero for everyone. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take a breath, think for a moment, step back and let people figure out things on their own. So, I continue to walk carefully, mindful of the potential consequences of my actions. And in doing so, I hope to become a better friend, ally, and supporter, one who understands that sometimes, the best way to help is to simply be there, without trying to fix what isn't mine to fix. I may not always get it right, but that's okay. Because, getting involved in other people's problems or conflicts isn't just about upsetting them or the other party of the problem; it can also mess with my own happiness.

It's funny though how we can easily figure out solutions for others but struggle to do the same for ourselves. It looks to me that our brains are wired to fix things outside of us, but when it comes to our own mess, we're lost. This can actually make us falling deeper into helping others forgetting about our own needs. So now, I focus on taking care of myself first. It's not selfish; it's essential for me to be able to help others in a healthy way; for me and for our friendship. And by doing that, I've found a sense of freedom and peace that I didn't have before.

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